Archive for the ‘Accountants’ Category

Ban the Bean Counters!

In Accountants, Small Man, Big Ideas on January 4, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Back in the golden age of advertising, this tin stood for all that was great about our industry. And rightly so. We told a million housewives every day to pick up a tin of beans and say, Beanz Meanz Heinz. And they did. Because they trusted us. Why? Because we believed it too. We Admen put those fast-moving consumer goods on pedestals and worshipped them.

Sadly today we kneel at the altar of a different god. Henry J Heinz would be aghast to discover that the once-great industry he patronised and believed in is now more interested in counting beans than promoting them. We’ve prostituted ourselves to the financial markets and let them boss us around more than clients ever have. Well I say enough is enough! Let’s put our craft back in the driving seat. Let’s banish the Global CFO to the basement where he belongs. Let the only stock we extol be cube-shaped and called Oxo!

No wonder management consultants are eating our lunch! We’re playing them at their game and losing. The soul is draining from our industry. We’re losing our individuality. The only creativity we’re interested in is making 2+2=5. Well that’s a quick road to extinction.

Rise up! Bring back the bow-ties and pork pie hats. Ban the pin-striped suits and braces. Say after me, ‘I joined this profession to distance myself as much as possible from tedious accountants.’

Are you with me? Great! Now go mail this post to your Global CFO.


Go forth and multiply!

In Accountants, God Squad, Small Man, Big Shoes on January 2, 2011 at 7:44 am

That’s the command that’s just come down from on high. My Chairman in NYC, who’s a bible-quoting Plymouth Brethren fundamentalist as well as an adman, has just put the whole network in acquisition mode.

For 2011, it’s buy, buy, buy. There are bargains to be had in the recession, apparently. Now, as you know, I run the London office which is the biggest in the network other than NY itself. So it behoves me to pick up the gauntlet and get acquiring. Fast. I’m already assembling a team of top lawyers and accountants in my head in preparation for the conquest. I’ll have to brief them clearly on what type of agency I’m looking for though. Something funky and radical. People who are down with the kids. In fact, the complete opposite of the lawyers and accountants advising me. Funny! Go find me the polar opposite of you. Memorise the picture that I’ve attached to the brief for the long list. If the owner looks like this guy, don’t even talk to him!